My Backstory - How I Healed From Trauma

 In 2025, I have started the process of writing down my life's healing journey in the form of a novel/book. I want to share what happened to me, in my life, in my mom's life, in order to shed a light on the shame and stigma around trauma. But I also want to illustrate how you can turn even the most adverse situation around. I feel the desire to share a message of hope, persistence, and following your soul's voice of your everlasting worthiness to live a life of growth and happiness. But until that book is finished, I will give you a few "highlights" of my backstory and what inspired me to create a business around celebrating and honouring the healing of trauma and female empowerment.

BORN INTO DISFUNCTION

I was born in 1974, into a very dysfunctional family. My mother, a heavily codependent person to my father, an extremely narcissistic and abusive individual. I came into the world when they were divorced and lived in a state of constant stress, aggression, deceit, physical and mental abuse and overall unhappiness. Not exactly a healthy environment for a child to thrive in.

This start of my life has had a huge effect on my health, both physically and mentally. I was in a constant state of fight, flight, freeze or fawn. That was my normal, my baseline. I got so used to the outbursts and the abuse, that I learned to shut off, disregard my intuition, and not trust my own feelings. In short: I lacked self esteem, was always anxious and afraid.

DEVELOPING UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS

Those first years of my life were lived in uncertainty and led by unhealthy coping habits: shoving down emotions, numbing down my anxiety and sadness with food, always keeping on a mask of lightness and humor ("playing the court jester"). I used every tool I could think of to divert the attention of the misery inside our lives and our home. I tried to compartmentalise, hide and ignore the problem that was my father.

The fact that I myself have been abused by my father, that I saw him beat up my mother, lie about each and everything in his life to get his way, gaslight us, manipulate and frighten us into submission, that has put a huge strain on my entire life.

It wasn't until much, MUCH later that I realised that I also held anger towards my mother, for not keeping me safe, for not rescuing me and herself from the abuser, for enabling his behaviour, just to keep him in a good mood (which seemed to become a more difficult, and even impossible task as I grew older).

THE BEGINNING OF HEALING AND INTROSPECTION

When I turned 25, when my body finally gave out and I went into a deep depression, I started my first psychotherapy session to heal the wounds in my system. (And I've done many therapy sessions, healing, introspection and different forms of therapy ever since). But even then, the shame was too overwhelming. I only talked about the parts that felt safe enough to heal at the time: the abusive boyfriends (and exact copies of my father) that I'd attracted, my poor relationship with food, my negative body image, my issues with masking and boundaries. Everything that really mattered, I kept buried deep down in my being.

THE POWER OF LOVE AND TRUST

In 2006, I met my now partner and amazing boyfriend, and we've been together ever since. Together we have an amazing son and an even amazing daughter, true lights in our lives. I can only say that we have a fantastic relationship and a life together, based on trust and respect. Living life with each other has created some distance from my home base, but the trauma wound has always "festered" in the background without anyone knowing.

My boyfriend's kind-hearted and loving, patient nature has always encouraged me to do more introspection and created room for the healing that was inevitable. I'll spare you all the details (which you'll be able to read in my book), but in short: it wasn't until I turned 50, that I finally was able to shut down the toxic relationship with my parents for good. I could no longer hold space for his madness and her weakness. All the patience that I'd put up to keep the relationship with them "normal", was finally over.

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I TRIED, WORKED...

Believe me, I've tried for many years to "change" him, to fix things, to give my children a normal set of grandparents. I have tried a gazillion times to help my mother become more independent and have her come to the realisation that she could stand up for herself and leave him. But to no avail. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. That is something only they can do themselves.

IS THE GLASS HALF-FULL OR HALF-EMPTY?

Looking back now, in this fairly recent state of new-found optimism, I can go down the dark path of blaming myself for not breaking off contact with them earlier, for bringing my children into this toxic situation, for not speaking up and asking for help. I didn't have the knowledge or guts to stand up for myself and for them sooner. And that sometimes hurts me deeply, when I think about that.

Instead, I choose to go down a more positive path. Yes, it has taken me 50 years to step away from the abuser, and prioritise my physical and mental health and safety, and to put up healthy boundaries for my boyfriend and our children. Yes, it has taken me half a century to implement the necessary changes for a life away from trauma. But I have done it nonetheless. It's that result that matters.

BREAKING UP AND THE POWER OF CRTT

2025 has been a pivotal year for me. The parental break-up, choosing my family and me and I feel proud. I also want to mention that I participated in a Clinical Rapid Transformational Therapy Trajectory with CRTT Therapist and Hypnotherapist Lieve Luykx: that program, combined with my decision earlier that year, have finally allowed me to let go of the trauma and redirect my focus on a path of authenticity and following my inner voice.

Truth bomb: I'm only human and I make mistakes. But I've learned the hard way that it doesn't matter how many times you stumble and fall. It only matters that you stand up every time that you do. And I also guess that this life here on earth is about constant learning, evolving and finding your way. And that's daunting and beautiful at the same time.

MY FIRST BABY STEPS IN 2025

My break-up with my parents still feels brittle, fragile, new. But for the first time in my life I also realise that I no longer have to be afraid, that I am finally safe, that I am worthy to live my best life and thrive. So, I'm slowly learning not to watch my back all the time. I'm building happy times and making new, untainted memories. I'm living my life in accordance with the norms and values that resonate with who I am and how I want to live as a person, a woman, a friend, a mother, a creator.

That energy that now flows through me gives me hope, enables me to see what's good in the world, what gives us love and empathy for one another, what creates community and builds a future without pain and distress. I’ve learned about the ingredients that make for a future without trauma.

PAY IT FORWARD

That is why, today, I’m so excited and proud to help other women in celebrating their victories and their healing from trauma by creating personalized and custom Empowerment Portraits for them. I create their portrait so they can show and share their stories. Sharing helps dissolving the shame and stigma around trauma. It’s the most rewarding creative outlet I can ever think of.

I'd love to connect with you and hear about your story, your challenges and your personal victories. Please feel free to reach out through my website or on my socials.

Love, always, Yvonne

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P.P.S. You can also read about 10 fun facts about me. :D